“And now for something completely different. . .”

I believe the title of this blog is a phrase that originated with the Monty Python phenomenon. It seems a proper title for my post this evening.

My typical blog entries focus on memories, family and friends. Tonight’s musing feels more whimsical to me. It’s a beautiful (albeit cold) day, the sun has shone brightly all day and the promise of spring brings a feeling of lightness to my soul. And that feeling informs my thoughts for tonight’s blog.

I’ve noodled on the idea of this entry for the last couple of days. It came to me as I applied (or attempted to apply) a band-aid to my foot the other morning. After three tries, I gave up and decided I would endure the pain of the uncovered “wound.” And, while it may seem a bit ridiculous to you, I do have an opinion about band-aids. I held off writing about them for a couple of reasons, the most important of which is whether I could come up with enough “material.” Thankfully, there are no rules about blogging (at least none of which I am aware), so let’s give it a go.

So, what about band-aids? When I hear the word, two meanings come to my mind.

The first is the term that refers to adhesive bandages. Like, Kleenex, Xerox and Coke, Band-Aid is actually the brand name for the Johnson & Johnson product. However, like the others, it has become a generic term for all adhesive bandages. I mean, when was the last time you went to buy “adhesive bandages?” And, when was the last time you went to your medicine cabinet with the words “adhesive bandage” in your mind instead of band-aid? So, there it is. The first meaning of band-aid.

The second meaning refers to fixing something. The quickest and easiest fix to a broken anything is to “band-aid” the problem. This is typically considered a temporary fix.

I want to talk about the first meaning, the adhesive bandage meaning. Here is my opinion: Band-aids don’t work. At least for me, I’ve yet to find any band-aid that works. I’ve tried several brands. I’m just not convinced. I refuse to use a band-aid unless coerced by my husband, who I affectionately refer to as “the band-aid king.” We always have a stockpile of boxes on hand. I wouldn’t swear to it on a Bible, but I would say, with a fair degree of confidence, that he probably averages 2-3 band-aids a day. I’m not kidding. That’s over 1,000 a year! I’ve never thought about it, but perhaps I should buy more J & J stock.

Every time I cave and put a band-aid on a scrape or cut, I regret it later. Actually, within minutes. Any of the following are typical scenarios for me:

  • It doesn’t stay in place for longer than about 10 minutes.
  • The ends don’t stick.
  • If I’ve applied even the tiniest dab of Neosporin, it doesn’t stick.
  • The second I wash my hands, it’s over.
  • My fat fingers cause the adhesive tabs to fold as I try desperately to apply, thereby resulting in the need to go get a new band-aid.
  • The “bandage” part doesn’t cover the correct area, or it leaves a gap between whatever surface it is supposed to cover and the air.

I could go on but I think you get the picture. Band-aids come in all shapes and sizes and guess what? NONE OF THEM WORK. Hence, the second meaning of the term, band-aid. Even as a temporary fix, band-aids don’t work!

I’ve tried the regular rectangular size pictured here, the tiny rectangular ones, the round ones, the ones designed for special body parts, the ones with characters on them, the ones with extra adhesive and the ones made of fabric. I’ve tried these because as I mentioned before, all of them live in my medicine cabinet, thanks to the aforementioned band-aid king.

So, when is a band-aid useful or worthy of my attention? I can think of one scenario and only one. I am a sucker for any toddler or child in tears with a boo-boo that needs a kiss and a band-aid. A band-aid makes it all better, even when the wound is not visible to the naked eye. That’s when I LOVE band-aids. That’s when they work. And, for that reason alone, long live the band-aid!

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7 Responses to “And now for something completely different. . .”

  1. roz says:

    Dear Andy Rooney, perhaps you need a lesson on the correct procedure to place a bandage on the wound. It really isn’t difficult ask any one over 4. Love you.

  2. Andy Rooney should be so lucky πŸ˜‰

  3. Valerie Steverson says:

    You are band-aid handicapped! Would have never known it! However, I do think Frank absolutely always has a band-aid on:)

  4. Eileen says:

    My “great niece” wears them as a fashion accessory and refuses to take them off

  5. carlorustico says:

    OK, I get it. This blog post is a band-aid, right? Right?

    What do I win ? Huh, what do I win?

    Doris, Doris, Doris, Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mommy, Ma, Ma . . .

  6. I agree with you about the uselessness of a band-aid for adults! About the children, they wear it as a badge of honor and bravery! I had a good laugh when I read your post thinking about my cousin’s little daughter who was given a ration of only one band aid a day!! Remind you of anyone? πŸ˜‰

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