I’m stuck. I wait at the bottom of the well, unable to use the rope to pull myself out. Stuck. I want to be rescued. Who will rescue me? The other day I was thinking of the word inertia. I looked it up to check my understanding.
The law of inertia states that it is the tendency of an object to resist a change in motion. According to Newton’s words, an object will stay at rest or stay in motion unless acted on by a net external force, whether it results from gravity, friction, contact, or some other source. Wikipedia
Yep, that’s me, an object at rest. A slug. I cannot move or be moved. Getting up every morning and going to work is a Herculean effort. My head feels full of cobwebs as I sit at my desk valiantly trying to make order out of the chaos of papers and projects in front of me. I sit in meetings and try not to lose focus. I pinch myself on the drive home to stay alert. Once home, I continue being a slug, the couch my throne. I don’t eat dinner, I snack. I try to watch television and I sleep. Then I get up and go to bed. And, the next day the cycle repeats. The weekends aren’t much better. I don’t do much of anything. I sleep late both days.
Tonight I hear myself saying, “Snap out of it!” (In my mind I can see and hear Cher as she slaps Nick Cage in my favorite movie, “Moonstruck”.) Enough already!
The truth is my coworkers are trying to rescue me. I work with very caring and concerned people. The people I work with are happy. Many of them face serious life challenges, like being blind, or having some other type of physical disability. Some are developmentally disabled. Many live at poverty level. My colleagues are smart, passionate and experts in their fields. I am surrounded by goodness and grace. My work friends have watched me, listened to me and tried cajoling me out of my funk. I have no right to continue this pity party.
So, tonight, when I got home, I thought about these wonderful people. Two women, “B” and “S” are pretty special. Their support and encouraging words make me realize there is a way to get moving. Both are at the top of the well pulling the rope and encouraging me to start climbing. Both are spiritual women whose devotion is strong and sincere without a hint of hubris or pompousness. “B” and “S” have overcome significant obstacles and are loving life. “B” talks with me about God, Jesus, our Creator. “S” talks with me about St. Padre Pio. I am grateful for the gift of their friendship. “S” encourages me to go to Padre Pio’s chapel. She tells me it is a beautiful place that will fill me with quiet and happiness. I keep saying I will go but I haven’t made the time.
It occurs to me, even as I write this, that my purpose for writing this blog is to pursue quietness. “B” inspired me to start blogging after I began reading hers. Tonight, as I read her latest entry, I began to feel better. She wrote about feeling divine presence in her life. She included a passage from the Acts of the Apostles, “In God we live and move and have our being. —Acts 17:28” I read those words over and over. I re-read her blog. I thought about wanting to feel His presence when I am at the bottom of the well. Perhaps He can help me out of this funk, get me out of the well. I have a lot to do with my time here on earth.
I was raised Catholic. I attended Catholic schools. At one time I thought I had a vocation. It may have been a childhood notion, but still I felt close to God. These days I am a Catholic in name only. My attendance at Mass is spotty at best. I defend my Catholicism but I don’t live it. I speak the church’s teachings, but I constantly question. I wait to feel God’s presence, but I don’t go to Him. I don’t hear Him perhaps because I don’t listen for Him. I am not happy about any of this. Maybe I could be more childlike in my feelings about God. Maybe that’s a good thing. I know the Bible says that to enter the Kingdom we must be like little children. Maybe a little less critical thinking and a little more faith is what I need.
I can become an object in motion that will stay in motion. I can climb out of the well or I can continue to wallow in self-pity. It’s my choice. I can continue being lazy about seeking His word and His wisdom. Or, I can choose to grab that rope and start climbing. I can try harder to follow, to listen and to pursue true peace and quietness. I believe my journey to find quietness will help me become my best authentic self. In God I live and move and have my being. Yep, that’s it!
Thanks, “B” and “S” — you know who you are.